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Friday, August 05, 2005

i had a long chat after such a long time.. watever happened 2 days ago was a taste of my own medcine.. it isnt the same anymore.. everything is changin way to fast.. n thank god tt i m not the only one who realised tt.. i guess we're in the same boat huh?? to much things going on at the same time..

these few weeks hasnt been really the same for the whole ch everyone is so tied up.. n everyone seems to have doubts in each other.. tt is so not us.. maybe we're juz concern abt each other so much tt we resorted jumping into conclusion

dear u pls hear me at least the last time

i juz want to say tt i haven lied to u since i've made tt promise. abt tt 'thing' i only did it for mon n tues.. n if on wed if i were to get my own im scared tt i'll resort to sneeakin one cause knowin tt u're so far away frm me. i hope u understand juz how diff is it for me to cut down. i didnt want to ask u so as tt i could get my own cause i noe ur tight n u have been doing much savings. i dun want to be a burden.. which im already am.

i noe u're extremely disappointed at me cause all i've done made u angry. n i never wanted it tt way. but i juz dunno y i did all tt.. i juz dun have an answer.. tts y i kept quiet..afraid tt i might juz answer something and made things worst thus add to the unstable stage tt we're already in. i noe my ans or reason seem so dumb.. but really its the truth.

today was awkward i almost sms u saying tt i was on my way to sch.. when i remembered abt yest..again.. i broke down.. this isnt has.. she hasnt been this way before.. who wont wake up with eyes red and puffed... its always wake up its a new day .. sms u ... eventhough i was late for sch..today i was really down of clothes supply.. i wore a huge oversize t shirt.. n a heavy wet pair jeans.. cause u noe abt the shorts thingy.. look i noe everything u did was to make me out of me. i followed..i listen eventhough wearing a wet pair of jeans n using shoes which made my feet itch wasnt wart i favour..but i knew it was for the better.. n i did...

i just wanna say tt im a lil disheartened when u kept saying tt i wont learn n will never learn, about me not listenin n i want things my way.. all tt is so not true.. im tryin n will always try.. if i never listen.. y would i go home straight...y would i sms u early in the mornin juz to say tt im going to sch.. y would i eat during lunch.. y would i accept advice.. when all i did last time was rebel with my so called 'my life my problem' attitude.. maybe my effort isnt tt big n not realisable ryte now but i WILL prove to u cause at least i do have a goal.. to be sumone n to show tt im not wart u say i am...

i've reread this over n over again juz incase i mis-used any words. i hope u understand wart im going through n wart im doing.. i understand tt ur tolerance level is also not very high n i believe the chances of me being given up on ppl has came.. i hope tt u understand juz wart i did to make me a better person.. eventhough i had much diff to follow wart u said starting tt 16'may. i tried n so far i guess i pulled through.. nearly half way there..

i apologise if im too harsh on my language and tone.. but this came out frm deep down..

i noe soory has lost its meaning some where.. but i really am.. sorry

has


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